This had the potential to be an AMAZING story, but unfortunately, the texts between him and I that I had planned on transcribing were deleted in my phone. Shit happens. So we begin -
One day at work, a certain company that brings things to us had a new employee as our delivery person. I remember hearing my managers talking to him, and hearing him say the phrase, “I NEVER WANT TO BE MARRIED.”
Weeks later, he came again, this time as our new regular delivery person. I didn’t recognize him, but he said something to me, and suddenly it hit me. “You’re the guy that never wants to be married, right?” I asked him. He agreed, then started to defend himself. “No, it’s okay, I don’t want to be married either. I just remember you telling my boss that last time.”
And he left.
About an hour later, there’s a phone call for me. I answered and a sexy male voice asked if I would give him my number. Once I realized who it was, I immediately gave it to him. And when I hung up I think I probably giggled. He is tall, covered in tattoos, has long salt and pepper hair that he sometimes wears in a bun, and these sexy black glasses. And of course, he smokes, which is a big turn on for me.
Silly little child that I am, I was EXCITED. He was adorable, and he called my job to get my phone number!
Two hours later, I had my reality check. His text message was just, “why never marrie?”
1. spelling error.
2. starting with a stupid question.
We went back and forth with text messages for about a week and a half. It started off discussing why I don’t believe in marriage, and went on asking superficial questions. One in particular-
- do you have a boyfriend?
__ no, do you?
- no.
His texts were filled with awful spelling errors, really dumb things, and a lot of “are you there?”s whenever I didnt immediately answer. I had originally saved the text in hopes of transcribing it to this website, but unfortunately, shit happens and it got deleted.
He asked if i was “Promisicuos” because he was promiscuous. I told him no, i wasn’t, and that I liked to get to know guys before doing anything with them. He basically said he wanted to mess around, but would be okay with “just” making out so we could get to know each other. I was reluctant, but he was adorable, so I agreed. He even offered to let me set boundaries, so I would feel comfortable.
The morning we agreed to meet, I was off from work but awoken by a text message at 5am from him, asking if I was excited, because he was. Uh, yea, I said. I gave him directions (he was coming from NJ) and met him outside, in his delivery truck. He had taken time out of his route to come to my neighborhood and make out with me. Either he liked me, or he was desperate.
I got in his truck and we talked and smoked for about ten minutes. Then we went to the back of the truck and just made out for a little while. I had exactly one hour with him, because that was all that could be afforded on his route. The next day I saw him at work, where we each said hello, I signed the paper, made a joke, and he left.
That was the last I heard from him. He was out sick for a couple of weeks, but in that time, he had stopped texting me. One day, my managers were discussing him. Just general things about his torn knee or something. But then, one of them said, “ISN’T HIS GIRLFRIEND, OR WIFE HAVING HER BABY SOON?”
“what.” I said. “I thought he ‘never wanted to be married?’”
“Oh, well then his girlfriend. Isn’t her baby due soon?”
Then I saw him one week, and the next, and the next. I just ignored him, because he had stopped talking to me. And eventually, one day two men showed up 4 hours later than usual to take his route.
“Oh, where’s Charles?” I innocently asked.
“HIS WIFE JUST HAD HER BABY THIS MORNING,” he said.
“His wife? Did he just get married? I didn’t realize he was.”
“No, he’s been married for a LONG TIME.”
Ouch. So I sent him a text: Congrats on the baby. Your wife must be proud.
The next time I saw him, he said good morning to me. I asked him why the FUCK he was talking to me. “I’m just a nice guy,” he claimed. “Well don’t fucking talk to me.” I told him. Ever since then, he doesn’t look at me, speak to me, or walk near me. He finds someone else to sign the papers, I’ve even caught him walking around the island display so that he isn’t near me.
But the happy part of this tale is that Karma is a bitch. Recently, he came to my job in a bad mood. Someone complained, and my boss told that person to take it easy on him, because he just found out his WIFE WAS CHEATING ON HIM AND HE WASN’T SURE THAT HER BABY WAS HIS.
I laughed.
