Category: He Didn’t Get The Joke


(6:23:25 am)guy: hi

me: Hi

guy: can’t sleep either?

me:No I gotta get ready for work actually

guy:oh ok

me:Another day another dollar. Yay. Literally… a dollar

guy:lol

guy:well i woke up cant get back to sleep

me:Lucky you :p

guy:lucky?

guy:cant sleep, isnt lucky is it?

guy:woke up with a raging….well you know

me:Lucky to have the option of going back to sleep

me:A raging hunger in your stomach?

guy:not quite

me:Ah

guy:yeah, its too bad i am alone

me:Well you do have two hands

guy:yeah, i do, just a shame not to share it

me:I guess

guy:oh, you don’t like a guy waking you up in this condition?

me:Lol you live in maryland.

guy:yeah

guy:i know

guy:but i was asking if you like to be woken by a guy in this condition

me:If they’re sleeping next to me, sure

guy:yeah, i wish you were here

me:You don’t even know me tho

guy:i know…intrigue….

guy:any suggestions on what i can do?

me:Well you have two hands and a computer

guy:yes, what about the computer

me:Well there’s prnz on the internetz

guy:any good sites?

guy:??

me:I don’t know I don’t have a computer

guy:oh ok

me:I hear there’s porn somewhere on it tho

guy:well what else can i do?

me:Try googling “vagina” and see what comes up

guy:what about phone, can you talk?

me:I’m actually in the bath tub right now. I have to leave for work in twenty min

guy:so 5 mins

guy:while you are soaking

me:What would we talk about

guy:you in the tub me in my bed

me:Well were already talking about that

guy:i want to hear your voice

me:Its not a very good voice

guy:i am sure it is

guy:just for a few minutes

me:I have been thinking about starting a 900# line

me:What would we say?

guy:i would tell you about how hard i am

guy:how i would like to have you on top

guy:riding it

me:How hard are you?

guy:very

guy:like a rock

guy:call me?

me:And you want me on top?

guy:yes

guy:watching you

me:So you’re lazy?


guy:no, we will do many positions

me:So…you can’t make up your mind?

guy:yes, i like many positions

guy:want my number?

me:Sure

guy:240 ***-***

me:is it 867-5309.?

me:Wow I’ve never dialed maryland before…

me:Now is this your cell or your house?

guy:cell

me:Your children aren’t home are they?

guy:no

me:Ok good

and then i got dressed for work and since i didnt call him, he stopped talking to me. Btw im in NY and he is in Maryland. I am 24 and he is 31, and has children. And only one photo on OKcupid, so im just going to assume it’s not even him and he just stole a picture so he can randomly message young girls and jerk off.

This was all over text:

me- “where were you while we were getting high?”

him-”Idk, I couldnt come out. I’ve been busy with work.”

me- “no, no. It’s an Oasis lyric.”

him- “oh.”

Another set of texts:

me-”I bet you’d look good on the dance floor.”

him-”what makes you say that?”

me-”no, it’s an Artic Monkeys lyric.”

him-”oh”

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