A few weeks ago I received a nice message on OKcupid. My profile on there says that I am looking for someone aged between 23-31. Something like that anyway.
The message went over everything in my profile that I said I was looking for in a man. He declared that he met every one of those, except for the age part. He was only 21, but claimed he was very mature, and I’d have no problems with his maturity, etc.
He was cute, and I had happened to be browsing through women at the time, curious as to if my bad luck with men was because I was a lesbian in denial. So I gave him a chance, talked to him. Added him to my facebook, after which he proceeded to “like” literally about 70 of my photos within the time span of an hour. He claimed he was bored at work. I found it creepy. He even “liked” my photos from work where I made platters and said it was because he liked food. Okay, whatever.
Talked to him all day on messengers, and he asked to meet me that night. I really didn’t want to, but there was a pending snow storm in the next few days, so I went with it. He picked me up about a block from my house, because with all the snow he didn’t want to go up my hill. Minus points.
I get in the car and it was just like… hi. Okay… well you invited me out… so you can at least make me feel welcome. He let me pick where to go, since he wasn’t from the area. Told him to go to this bar my friend works at, thinking in case it got weird or anything I’d have someone to rescue me.
We spent a couple of hours there talking, mostly him, with some awkward bits in there. He told me about childhood abuse, family deaths, law suits, video games, and his career goals. I paid for my own drinks. Once we got in the car, it was already after 10pm and there is literally nothing to do where I live except go shopping or to a restaurant. He kept saying he didn’t want to go home. Said we could even park somewhere.
What can I say, I’m a chump. I thought he was adorable, and I really thought we would just make out for a bit. But I seem to forget how men really are when I’m actually with one. I also seem to forget that I have no self control and tend to get a bit slutty when provoked.
We started kissing and he tried to push my head down. I was all innocent and said no, I don’t know you that well, etc. We went on kissing, and he kept saying how much he wanted to eat me out. He tried his best to convince me to let him, but Ive never really let anyone do that, let alone in a parked car. Didn’t happen. I know now, when a guy literally begs to eat you out, just let him. We ended up messing around quite more than I wanted to, but I felt sort of like I had to. I need to stop doing that, and feeling obligated to do it. I also need to stop kissing guys in cars – it always ends up in their favor.
He dropped me off across the street from my house, and I had to walk up all the stairs in the dark, alone. Minus points. Got home, looked in the mirror, thought I had been mauled by a cougar. Minus points.
The next day he sent me an email on facebook stating that he had a good time, but he “felt horrible” and needed to “think about things.” I was so confused… what did he feel horrible about, was it just an excuse to not talk to me? We went out once… what was there to really think about?
I didn’t write back… but I was crushed. I liked him a bunch, and I had hope that maybe he felt the same, and would want to see me again. In the car, he had repeatedly stated he wanted to see me again, asked what I was doing that weekend. So I sat the day thinking about him, worrying, like a stupid idiot.
The day after I got another message that just said “So …. hey, what’s up?” I was like, WHAT THE FUCK? He had me crazy the day before with his stupid “i feel horrible” letter and here he’s just hey whats up? So I wrote back something like “you tell me… what was that about yesterday? Why do you feel horrible? because you left hickeys on my neck or something?”
I meant it playfully, to provoke a conversation about what the fuck was going on with him. Instead he wrote back “way to attack me, ttyl”
I then tried to explain I wasn’t attacking, I just never had a hickey like that and was just playing with him. He flipped out on me saying I enjoyed it, and he had felt bad about the sex stuff, thought i was pretty, and really liked me, but if I was going to “be like this” he didn’t want to talk to me. Then he wrote, “God, just leave me alone!”
So I deleted him, and proceeded to cry. Of course, I’ve decided to finally learn from my mistakes with men. I know I get caught up in the possibility of romance, because that’s all I really want, and I haven’t had it in so long I see potential everywhere. I also know I end up doing more than I want to, because I just don’t know how to say no. I don’t want to ruin what could be because I said no. But it turns out I’ve been doing the opposite, ruining everything because I’ve said “YES.”
So now, fuck it. If I do ever go out again, I’m taking a cab home. I just don’t trust myself when they’ve got those puppy dog eyes and spew out words about how pretty i am and how they want to see me again. Yea, I’m a sucker. As much of a hard-hearted bitch that I appear to be, I’m a dead sucker for romance. Too bad most of it is just in my head.
Lessons Learned:
1. I tend to be slutty when provoked.
2. When a guy literally begs to eat you out, just let him. You’re most likely not going to get a better offer.
3. If you do end up messing around on a first date, you’re probably not going to ever see him again.
4. If someone says in their very first letter to you that “you’ll have no problem with my maturity” it means they’re going to go psycho. And make you feel guilty for it.
5. 21yr olds do not know how to be discreet about “love bites.”
6. Men are liars.
7. Arrange your own transportation, so you don’t have to rely on the guy, and can prevent unwanted situations.
8. Don’t even kiss on the first date.
