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Where Everyone’s Already Fucked All Your Friends

Filed under: Uncategorized by im a terrible person — 2 Comments
November 13, 2010

I’m seriously thinking about joining eharmony or match.com. I always thought it was stupid to fork up some cash just to join a site that has so many free versions. But I joined okcupid (yet again) and it is still not working.

There’s literally the scum of the earth on that site. (Example: a guy i’d been talking to told me he wanted to hang out, and gave me a time and place. I asked where the place was. It’s in connecticut. I’m in NY, I don’t drive, and I have to wake up everyday at 6am. I told him I was not going out to CT. He told me to grow up and take the train. Then proceeded to berate me via messages about me being a baby, being so overweight I can’t leave the house, and he told me to get a job, when yes I do have one. I stopped answering him and he kept sending these messages.)

Perhaps a site that requires enough dedication to meeting someone that it makes you pay may have better prospects. Most of the guys on okcupid really just use it as another means to get laid. I’ve met only a few, and they weren’t so excited to go on a date as they were to “hang out” in their car or apt.

I’m seriously so tired of being alone that I have to physically stop myself from texting/calling guys I know don’t like me, have girlfriends, and are just assholes.

And it’s not like it used to be, where you maybe have a friend who has a cute single friend. Pretty much any guy I meet that is single has already dated or fucked more than one girl I know/are friends with. It must be where I live, but I swear there is not one eligible guy out there that hasn’t been with someone I know.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for to meet a nice guy.

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Leaving Out Small Details/ Karma Is A Bitch

Filed under: Are You Fucking Kidding Me?, Bad Boyfriend Behavior, Crushes I Really Shouldnt Have, Excuse me - Do I Taste Bitter to You?, Stupid Things Men Do by im a terrible person — Leave a comment
November 12, 2010

This had the potential to be an AMAZING story, but unfortunately, the texts between him and I that I had planned on transcribing were deleted in my phone. Shit happens. So we begin -

One day at work, a certain company that brings things to us had a new employee as our delivery person. I remember hearing my managers talking to him, and hearing him say the phrase, “I NEVER WANT TO BE MARRIED.”

Weeks later, he came again, this time as our new regular delivery person. I didn’t recognize him, but he said something to me, and suddenly it hit me. “You’re the guy that never wants to be married, right?” I asked him. He agreed, then started to defend himself. “No, it’s okay, I don’t want to be married either. I just remember you telling my boss that last time.”

And he left.

 

About an hour later, there’s a phone call for me. I answered and a sexy male voice asked if I would give him my number. Once I realized who it was, I immediately gave it to him. And when I hung up I think I probably giggled. He is tall, covered in tattoos, has long salt and pepper hair that he sometimes wears in a bun, and these sexy black glasses. And of course, he smokes, which is a big turn on for me.

Silly little child that I am, I was EXCITED. He was adorable, and he called my job to get my phone number!

 

Two hours later, I had my reality check. His text message was just, “why never marrie?”

1. spelling error.

2. starting with a stupid question.

 

We went back and forth with text messages for about a week and a half. It started off discussing why I don’t believe in marriage, and went on asking superficial questions. One in particular-

- do you have a boyfriend?

__ no, do you?

- no.

His texts were filled with awful spelling errors, really dumb things, and a lot of “are you there?”s whenever I didnt immediately answer. I had originally saved the text in hopes of transcribing it to this website, but unfortunately, shit happens and it got deleted.

He asked if i was “Promisicuos” because he was promiscuous. I told him no, i wasn’t, and that I liked to get to know guys before doing anything with them. He basically said he wanted to mess around, but would be okay with “just” making out so we could get to know each other. I was reluctant, but he was adorable, so I agreed. He even offered to let me set boundaries, so I would feel comfortable.

The morning we agreed to meet, I was off from work but awoken by a text message at 5am from him, asking if I was excited, because he was. Uh, yea, I said. I gave him directions (he was coming from NJ) and met him outside, in his delivery truck. He had taken time out of his route to come to my neighborhood and make out with me. Either he liked me, or he was desperate.

I got in his truck and we talked and smoked for about ten minutes. Then we went to the back of the truck and just made out for a little while. I had exactly one hour with him, because that was all that could be afforded on his route. The next day I saw him at work, where we each said hello, I signed the paper, made a joke, and he left.

That was the last I heard from him. He was out sick for a couple of weeks, but in that time, he had stopped texting me. One day, my managers were discussing him. Just general things about his torn knee or something. But then, one of them said, “ISN’T HIS GIRLFRIEND, OR WIFE HAVING HER BABY SOON?”

“what.” I said. “I thought he ‘never wanted to be married?’”

“Oh, well then his girlfriend. Isn’t her baby due soon?”

Then I saw him one week, and the next, and the next. I just ignored him, because he had stopped talking to me. And eventually, one day two men showed up 4 hours later than usual to take his route.

“Oh, where’s Charles?” I innocently asked.

“HIS WIFE JUST HAD HER BABY THIS MORNING,” he said.

“His wife? Did he just get married? I didn’t realize he was.”

“No, he’s been married for a LONG TIME.”

 

Ouch. So I sent him a text: Congrats on the baby. Your wife must be proud.

 

The next time I saw him, he said good morning to me. I asked him why the FUCK he was talking to me. “I’m just a nice guy,” he claimed. “Well don’t fucking talk to me.” I told him. Ever since then, he doesn’t look at me, speak to me, or walk near me. He finds someone else to sign the papers, I’ve even caught him walking around the island display so that he isn’t near me.

 

But the happy part of this tale is that Karma is a bitch. Recently, he came to my job in a bad mood. Someone complained, and my boss told that person to take it easy on him, because he just found out his WIFE WAS CHEATING ON HIM AND HE WASN’T SURE THAT HER BABY WAS HIS.

I laughed.

 

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I Found This In My Drafts.

Filed under: Uncategorized by im a terrible person — Leave a comment
November 12, 2010

There’s this guy.

 

 

He makes me feel butterflies.

 

 

Too bad he’s a douche bag.

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The Rise Of A Future Bitter Cat Lady

Filed under: Bad Boyfriend Behavior, Break-Ups, Excuse me - Do I Taste Bitter to You? by im a terrible person — 1 Comment
November 12, 2010

I know—–

“It comes when you’re not looking for it.”

“No one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself.”

“Stop dwelling on the past.”

“You don’t need someone to make you happy.”

“Forgive and forget.”

Those and many more cliches can suck my dick.

I’m bitter. I do not forgive him for breaking my heart and I do not want to see him happy. I want him to hurt the way he hurt me. I don’t want him to even exist anymore; I want his entire life to be an all consuming hell of the worst kind of misery. That wallop of a shitty breakup has left me irreparably damaged. Honestly, I want to be with someone. I do. But even if I did meet someone and start a relationship, I would be forever questioning it. I honestly don’t think I’d believe anything a man ever said to me. I’d constantly be doubting whether he actually felt anything, or was just with me until something better came along. I’d be consumed with paranoia, trying to read into absolutely everything, looking for imaginary hints to pick up on. I’d be always on the edge of my seat, waiting for the moment he decided to stop contact.
Because that’s just what my ex did. We never broke up. He just stopped answering the phone, stopped calling me. I can definitely handle being dumped. But I can’t handle being literally thrown away. Like a piece of garbage. Because garbage doesn’t need to talk about why you don’t want it, garbage doesn’t have to be lied to, garbage doesn’t have feelings or a point of view. Garbage will just accept its place in the trash.
Unfortunately, I’m actually a person. So when my ex had locked himself away and even his close friends hadn’t heard from him, I was naively concerned. I thought his depression was getting worse and that maybe he would do something stupid. Eventually a mutual friend drove me to his house so we could check on him. It was like nothing was wrong. One excuse he had for not answering the phone was because he was “drinking a lot” and he knew I’d be mad. Oh okay. So now I’m just in love with an alcoholic.
I ended up asking him if he needed time, wanted to break up, wanted space, etc. to deal with whatever he was going through. His reply had been “No. I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Ah, yes. Young, naive. We worked it out for about two more weeks when he did it again. Just fell off the face of the earth. Of course, this time I actually caught on that he was ditching me. So I was busy flirting with all of the adorable foreign boys at work, falling into hopeless crushes on guys who would soon be gone to Europe.
I kept calling him, just to see when I could go get my things. It took about a month for him to randomly answer the phone. A month. We hadn’t even technically broke up. In any case, I told him I was coming by to get my things. My first serious relationship. My cherry popper. My naive “love.”
He opened the door and said, “Hey, how’s it going?” as if i just casually stopped to have a beer. The whole time I was there he had this aloof conversation going. And when I left, he said, “Thanks for stopping by, it was nice seeing you.” Excuse me? Really? My supposed boyfriend just treated me like someone he barely knew. HE WAS INSIDE ME. His cock was in my mouth any chance I could get it there and now it was as if he didn’t even know me. Great. What’s worse is that I ditched the sweetest guy ever to start dating this disaster. At least I was honest with him though, and tried to be nice. I didn’t just randomly break off contact.

In any case, I feel justly bitter. Sometimes this “experience” doesn’t mean shit to me, and other times I feel like it has deeply affected/changed me. Aside from the trust and paranoia issues, I went through a bit of a slutty phase immediately following that…. “breakup.” I am not blaming anyone for the shit I do, but I definitely needed to prove to myself that someone actually wanted me, and that I wouldn’t be alone forever. Naturally, that meant I basically threw myself at everyone I thought was adorable.
I’m not saying I REALLY slutted it up, but I definitely was not acting as I used to. I had standards before. I wanted everything to be momentous. I even had issues with kissing… there were plenty of awkward moments after my hand reflexively went up to block a kiss from someone on just a first date. It took a lot for me to feel comfortable with someone enough to even let them hug me. But now that I had lost it to some douche bag, I figured I had to make up for lost time.
Don’t get the wrong idea, I can still count on one hand…… well anyway. I ended up making out with plenty of guys in bars, friends of friends, meeting guys off of the internet, etc. I learned a lot about kissing, at least. I had originally thought I didn’t even enjoy kisses. Now I know it was just the guys I was kissing. Some guys got a little more. Some got a little less. It was fun to feel attractive and wanted, to have someone just grab you and push you against the brick wall of an alley to kiss you. I certainly felt a fuck of a lot better than I did when I would call a phone that just kept… ringing.
I also learned the power of breasts. Any time I felt lonely I just had to go out in something low cut. Of course, eventually that wasn’t enough. I fell in love with my boobs, my tits, my tatas. They helped me from feeling lonely. I discovered picture messaging. To guys I really liked, whose attention I craved, out went my boobs. I had their attention, and I loved it. Something real, but superficial.
But apparently, guys don’t like the kind of girl I became. The kind of girl who sends you a picture of her boobs just because she has a crush on you, well, she isn’t the kind of girl you end up dating. In fact, I seem to have developed a sort of Good Luck Chuck syndrome. In that movie, Chuck fucks a girl, and the next guy she dates, she ends up marrying. Well in my case, I make out with a guy I like, and within the next two weeks he suddenly has a girlfriend. Here’s a hint: it’s never me.
I honestly believe I’m going to be alone forever, just me and my cats, turning the hose on pedestrians who walk too close to my yard. Talking to the television, feeding the cats from my dinner plate, wearing mumus, that’s me.

Bitter and alone.

 

 

 

And no fucking comments about getting over it and being over dramatic etc. I’m fucking venting. You vent, I’m allowed to vent too. You don’t like it, don’t fucking read it.

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Men Vs. Women: No Verdict Yet

Filed under: Are You Fucking Kidding Me?, Stupid Things Men Do, Stupid Things Men Say by im a terrible person — Leave a comment
November 3, 2010

This is from around 2006. I tried to edit some of it but I left the rest.

 

One day after work, I get on the bus and take the only empty seats, in the very back. I started rummaging in my purse to find my Ipod, and someone sitting across from me reached over and gently took a piece of my hair to play with. I was automatically defensive but before I flipped out, I recognized the young man. He apparently lives in my neighborhood, and is a friend of a friend. We usually just say hi when we see each other, and once he asked me out but I declined. He told me he liked my purple hair, I thanked him, and went back to digging in my purse.

A few minutes later, I pulled out my ipod and heard, “Whatchu listenin’ to, shorty?”

I thought to myself, “surely no one dare call MOI ‘shorty.’ “

So I ignored it. And then someone reached over and tapped me and said it again. The black guy sitting next to the guy I kinda know was the one calling me shorty. And so I said, “Technically, I am not listening to anything. I haven’t even turned it on yet.” He said that was a good point and what was I planning on listening to? Oh I don’t know I said, whatever I feel like. And so I put my headphones on and he talked on his phone.

Another few minutes pass and I hear something else, but ignore it, intuitively knowing he was bothering me again. But of course, since a woman is ignoring him, he now has to reach over and tap me again. “What’s your name, SHORTY?” I ignored him, but he persisted and tapped me again and asked. Annoyed, I did my sarcastically excited bit and said “My name is **! What’s your name!!!!” He kept asking me questions such as where I lived, where I’m from. I answered sarcastically and with random ghetto phrases, just because there was no where else to sit, and I knew he wasn’t going to leave me alone. I pretended I lived next door to that guy that I mentioned earlier, who played along and pretended we could see into each others’ bedrooms and had dinner together all the time.

The conversation just kept getting worse and worse. I don’t even know what the stupid man was saying -  something stupid, sexist, moronic, pathetic, etc. whatever. He said something about making me suck his dick with ice in my mouth so I said I had really bad cavities and ice made my teeth hurt. He kept going on so finally I was just telling him I was a lesbian and he didn’t believe me so I went on about how I love ‘dem girls with big knockers.” That was dumb of me because he pointed out that I have “a really nice set” etc but I said it’s not the same I like to grab on to someone else’s titties and I kept it going and he kept saying I was missing out and blah blah blah and so basically my bus ride was pretending im a lesbian, him telling me I “need a man.” and ‘need to turn around” “change my ways” “dont’ know what I’m missing” etc. he also mentioned how “girls that go that way” have usually been “really hurt by a man” and that I probabably have “a broken heart” and that I should open up and go back to guys.

He said when I went home, I was going to think about what he said and I was going to let my hair down and unzip my shirt and show my breasts and wear some tight jeans. And the guy I kinda know chimes in “oh but you can work with that, right?” meaning me as is, no breasts “showing” etc… and so this moron starts going on about how YES, HE CAN work with “that” and how he likes some meat on his women and he starts graphically talking about how good i’d look in the shower all covered in steam and how deep he’d go and lots of other fantastic things I just can’t remember because I was mortified.

I knew ignoring him was futile, so I continued with my lesbian thing and then I gave up and added that I had herpes and I was hiv positive and he told me to stick out my tongue and say ahh and he was checking my tongue.. he said if it was white I was sick but it wasn’t so I’m fine. He also mentioned something about how deep his dick would go in my mouth.

I kept up with the whole herpes thing and this big black woman and her baby sat nearby and she started laughing so I said “isn’t my tongue white? I’m sick right” and she started laughing and telling him “if someone told me they had herpes I would definitely stop talking to them.” Then they started an argument about whether or not people are sick, he said that they’d have such and such symptoms and she’s like arguing, saying but how do you know they are sick if they don’t have an outbreak? And how do you know that that person doesn’t just have different symptoms and you have to play it safe etc.

She got off the bus and he told me he always uses a condom and he’d double up with me. Then when I said but I sleep around alot, that’s how I got herpes, and I think I’m also hiv positive, he said he’d triple up. Smart people know that putting on more than one condom causes friction and the condom is more likely to BREAK by doing that, but apparently he does not know this.

This whole time I was typing on my sidekick but the only one online was my friend Joe and he really wasn’t paying attention so I was just typing pointlessly to have something to do to help me ignore the guy and he said things like “oh you’re typing to your girlfriend right now, telling her it’s over. You’re gonna listen to me about going back to guys right?” I said “no I dont have a girlfriend I sleep around.” He then tried to hook me up with his “black lesbian friend who likes white girls” but I was like nah I dont need a girlfriend.

Eventually I got off to transfer buses but I had to wait 40 minutes for the bus, and there was a woman walking by who said, “I love your hair how did you do that?” I told her it was purple dyed over pink, and she said it looks great.

Then it started raining and a woman at the bus stop was asked,  ‘Do you want to share my umbrella?” and I said no thank you. But I still thought that was very nice of her. When I got off the bus, a different woman got off the bus with me and started walking in front of me, then just turned around randomly and said “Would you like to share my umbrella?” I said no thank you.

So in summary, a strong case against men and three cases for women.

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Picky Schmicky

Filed under: Uncategorized by im a terrible person — 1 Comment
October 5, 2010

I’ve heard a lot of theories on “why” a woman is single. There’s that one about being too picky and then one about how girls like “bad boys” and they should try out a “good guy.” And of course how its because she’s attracted to the “wrong kind” of guy and should try dating someone she wouldn’t normally.

Well, I think that’s shit.

I admit to having certain “types” of men that I tend to gravitate towards. The kind that give me butterflies in my stomach and make my heart race. Their kisses make me melt and I get a sort of addiction to the way they make me feel, therefore to them as well. They really aren’t the cream of crop. Mostly they have some sort of big issue, such as alcoholism. But I love them nonetheless.

In a deluded effort to escape these badly chosen loves, I’ve been trying the whole “other type” and “nice guy” theory. Going for the guys I’m not much attracted to, but who seem to be nice guys.

It’s awful. There are plenty of nice guys and not so nice (but not MY type) guys that I’ve been spending time with. We tend to get along great for the most part, laughing, keeping up the conversations, bonding, just generally having a good time. But when they make a move, it’s less than thrilling.

Its the whole i-wanna-like-this-but-i-don’t thing with me. It doesn’t matter how much I enjoy their company, but when they kiss me all I want to do is push them away. Its not even a bad kisser situation, its more of a “what’s the point” feeling. It seems to be the same way I feel about concerts. Yes, I can go to a concert and be in the back and still enjoy the music. But there’s nothing quite like standing first row, directly in front of the band. It’s just not the same. I don’t see a point in going if I can’t be first on line to get in and front row center.

Another problem I seem to have with guys who “are” and “aren’t” my “type” is that their smell attracts or repulses me. Not the whole bad body odor STINK smell but just their general smell. When there’s a guy I really like, just sitting next to him and smelling him is comforting and attractive. There is probably NOTHING more comforting than snuggling next to a man whose smell turns you on. I suppose its their pheromones that I just can’t resist. But then when I smell a guy I enjoy spending time with but I’m not attracted to, its just meaningless. I do not want to be close to it, I do not want to snuggle, I do not feel comforted. In unrefined words, it’s just BLEH.

I don’t even know where my delusions of possibility came from. Yes, I know the guys I’m attracted to are not good for me. They treat me like shit at one point or another. But for heaven’s sake, I adore them. The men that I WANT to be attracted to…… they could never speak to me again and I wouldn’t give a shit. They might be fun to hang out with, but there’s nothing there.

When they kiss me my mind wanders. I don’t put much effort into it at all. Its not bad kissing, I just don’t want to kiss them. But that moment, that fleeting moment right before their lips touch mine, my heart explodes with hope. Maybe. Maybe this one will make me melt. Maybe the butterflies will be there. Maybe ill get that ridiculously scientific high that comes from love and attraction.

It’s always such a letdown. Its just…nothing.

I want so badly to be in love. I guess my next theory to try out is the whole “it comes when you’re not looking for it” thing. I have doubts already, because I’ve gone YEARS without looking for anyone, and no one came anyway. How fucking long do I have to wait? I know plenty of people who just stumble from relationship to relationship and at some point in each one, they are “in love.” Is there just plenty of love for some and none that’s right for me?

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I Haven’t Learned My Lesson..yet.

Filed under: Are You Fucking Kidding Me?, Crushes I Really Shouldnt Have, Internet Romances, Unrequited Love by Mindsay Mohan — 1 Comment
September 11, 2010

Recently I started seeing a guy. He was so sweet, and so refreshingly unlike any other guy I’ve ever really met. Funny, charming, alarmingly cutesy with me. Pretty much perfection.
After a few weeks, I decided to sleep with him. Being the adult I am, I figured I didn’t have to play by any “rules” and wait for him to contact me. So, i did.
I was met with answers to questions i hadn’t even thought to ask, let alone verbally ask him what he responded with.

Another week has gone by. No word on his account.
It goes to show just because one of them doesn’t act like the rest of them, that they wont eventually be.
It sucks too. This one could have been different.

Also, I met him via okcupid. So if you’re keeping count, let me know what number I’m up to. Eventually I’ll hit a number that makes me move onto another dating site.

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I Am Not A Snack, Sir.

Filed under: Instant (Idiotic) Messaging, Internet Romances, Stupid Things Men Say by Mindsay Mohan — 1 Comment
August 29, 2010

What frightens me most is that we’re an 86% match. *Shudder*

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I Wish I Had Saved His IMs.

Filed under: Instant (Idiotic) Messaging, Internet Romances, Stupid Things Men Say by Mindsay Mohan — Leave a comment
August 28, 2010

I recently started talking to this very cute-all-me-hipster-boy of my dreams on okcupid. About 3 days ago, I gave him my screen name after he asked for my number (which I never give out unless I’m all flippy-tummy about them (because I am a silly woman with a young girl’s fancies)).
I figured he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore because I didnt give him my number.
Well, today he IM’d me. Nothing special at first until he started talking about his “skills” at sexting.

First & foremost, “sexting” is the stupidest word in any language. Honestly? Honestly. Agreeing to go along with this horrible word, I don’t believe anyone is a real stranger to it. I most certainly am not, considering serious dating histories with the men I’ve really been with.

Having said that, I’m not the kind of girl who just gets naked by IM with not even a request, but a demand of whipping off my clothes for some fucker’s amusement while he strokes himself.
That’s what this dude did.
I repeatedly refused.
He mentioned I have a web cam (i do, bc it’s on my friend’s laptop..which is what i’m using).
I told him I was busy (this was after my shower-shave activities) getting dressed to go out, to which he said was perfect timing.

With all of this, I said no. No, repeatedly.
He finally called it quits, but not before telling me, “Sorry I’m not looking for anything serious. Just fun.”

To which I said, “And? No one said I’m  looking for marriage, nor did I ask you what you’re looking for. I’m just not going to send you pictures of myself for ‘fun’.”

Jerk.

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Small Complaint

Filed under: Are You Fucking Kidding Me? by Mindsay Mohan — Leave a comment
August 28, 2010

I went through a lot of today to look nice for two guys. Yeah, two. Because I figured one would pussy out (and did as expected) and the other was back-up.

Now I’m not seriously dating either of these guys, but have hung out/had dates with them. I’m not the two-timing kind of girl. Anyway, I went through the shower-shave-laundry thing that usually takes me the entire day.Well, most of it. Not to mention the skill it takes to put liquid eyeliner in a single swoop.

Primarily it takes me 2 hours just to do my hair (shower & straighten it). And takes like an hour to shave my legs & everything else. Everything else. Plus I’ve cut myself too many times (by accident), and if it doesn’t hurt you then you are amazing. I cringe at the idea of my skin being cut. *Shudder* See?

So i did that, got done, made my plans, went out.
I looked adorable. Little outfit would not have failed me if boy(s) weren’t absolute idiots.

That’s all.  Such a waste of an Intuition shaving cartridge.

Yet, when I am absolutely underprepared for a date, and it takes a turn for the glorious make out/feel up, i have to tug and filter hand movements. My furry legs seem to be my good luck charm but within their limitations.  Soft, smooth legs that scream to be lightly caressed keeps me home apparently.

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